I don't even really know where to start. I guess I'll start by saying that I love my mom. And the thought of living my life without her is absolutely devastating to me. Since receiving the news of my mom's cancer I have just been trying to live my life normally day by day. But then I start to think of my daily activities and how they would change if my mom was not here.
How could I even go on without her? How would life go on without her? But I guess God has a plan for us so I can't question too much. It's all in His hands now so all I can do is pray and hope that my mom will still be with us for a long, long time.
It is called Ductal Carcinoma. Those words have forever changed my life. It means my mom has stage 1 cancer that is confined to one of her milk ducts. That's supposed to be good news, but to me it's not much comfort!
She has chosen to have a lumpectomy which is the removal of the lump and some of the surrounding tissue. Her surgery is already scheduled for June 27Th, the day after her birthday and the day after me & Gerardo's 4Th wedding anniversary.
After this she will have to endure 6 weeks of radiation treatment everyday. This is what will make her very tired and sick feeling. But it's supposed to cure her so we'll just have to pray and help her through it with whatever she needs.
My mom is an incredibly strong woman and is the kind of person that never asks for help herself. She will do absolutely everything for everyone else and is so unselfish, I know it's going to be so hard for her to be dependent on us.
As far as me, I'm having such a hard time with this. I have been crying at the drop of a hat, everything makes me so emotional. I don't know when, if ever, things will be better. At this time I can't help but to look at the world around me, this place we call Earth, the beauty of creation, the wonderful thing we call love and the horrible sorrow of loss. How can it all be so beautiful and so ugly all at the same time?
For now I have to keep an open mind and an open heart for my mom's sake. I love her and I know she loves me. I will be strong for her to get her through this so we can be together for many more years.
My attitude right now is that life is a gift given to us by a loving Father, He loves us and let's us live our life, and when or if the time comes that we grow weary He will call us home to rest. So I do not believe that it is that time for my mom. I believe that she will be there to watch Jacob get married, Lilly graduate from high school and Aaron get his drivers license.
Thanks for letting me vent, rant and rave. I really needed that! I need to keep up my fighting spirit!
It might be overwhelming right now, but things will hopefully only go up from here. Please keep my mom in your prayers.
3 comments:
I don't know where to start to help make things easier for you and especially your mom. Our mother's are a treasure and we must always remember that. I think you have said it well in what you have written. Stay strong in your faith and I know all your prayers will be answered. I will keep praying for you all and remember, we are always here for you and your whole family, because that is what we are-family. please keep us updated on how your mom is doing. Love ya, the flores girls.
Thank you so much Sandra for your nice words. I really appreciate it!
We know what a strong woman your mom is and with gods blessings, we pray she will overcome this. Your whole family is in our hearts and prayers and we are here for you for whatever you may need. Love Brenda and godson Ivan.
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